Surrender

Just recently I found out my father had passed away. We don't know how he died or who was with him. His death brought back a world of hurt memories for me.  As a child I was raised for the first 8 yrs. of my life on a reservation in Arizona, spoke the native tongue was dirt poor but very happy, we were sold to a man I never knew or seen in my life, my father, brought here to ca. and began to live in a world I never knew existed, a life of physical, mental, verbal and sexual abuse. I became an alcoholic at the tender age of 9 was one for over 40 yrs. I eventually forgave him for all that happened. I started attending a small church and so I thought I was a good Christian, at first I was but then I fell back into my life of alcohol and drugs. But since starting this r12 study it has shown me that this is a life of lies the drinking and saying it is okay to have one or two or five, that God will always forgive. But this is not the case for me, for the first time in my life I am truly being taught and taking in what God wants for me and that He loves me. I am loved in such a way that when I do, do things that are wrong I just want to die because I have hurt Him, I have never truly known how genuine love felt like in my life from a Father that Loves me the Way my Heavenly Father does. I have surrendered to Him, it is tough to brake an old cycle of life that I had lived for so long but with my Heavenly Father I know I am going to make it this time and for the rest of my life. I have a husband that I have been married to for 31 years and he keeps me in line with God's word and assures me of how much God loves me and everyone else.